Misery’s Mishap

I am proud to introduce my first guest blogger, author Kevin Cooper

I should also like to add that nobody has offered to write on Misery’s blog. Haha Misery.

Kevin is an extremely good writer, or otherwise he wouldn’t be appearing on my blog. He has just republished the second edition of his first novel, Miedo, more info about Kev and his books on Kev’s blog.

Now onto the story by Kevin…

This short story is based upon actual real events; names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Scene One: Gibraltar. Current Date and Time: May 2nd 2014. 14.02.43

DDI (Doggy Detective Inspector) Pip here, investigating the scene of what was reported to be a major disturbance in the area yesterday around about midday or thereafter and near the old military bastion that has not been in use for quite some time now.

I don’t like disturbances out here on, The Rock, and it is my job to make sure trouble is cleaned up and order is kept, if you get my meaning.

A constable comes up to DCI Pip, “Nothing here sir, we’ve searched everywhere.”

“All right son. Listen up, I know you don’t get much excitement out here on, The Rock, but tell the lads to keep a tight one on this at the moment, OK? It just won’t do to have unseemly gossip floating back over to mainland, Spain and god knows where else across the bloody continent from there. We don’t want it attracting the wrong sorts. Comprende?”

“Yes sir…Will do sir.”

I’ve had my team search the area thoroughly with a fine, toothed-comb and so far they have found nothing untoward.

…time to make some enquiries.

Investigative probing look. Don't mess with DDI Pip

Investigative probing look. Don’t mess with DDI Pip

Scene Two: Hospital room with three beds. Time: 16.54.56

A woman with long dark hair and seemingly to DDI Pip’s mind, a countenance you would only expect of a Russian Countess, is unsuccessfully fighting off a male nurse trying to force feed her some pain tablets. The woman in the bed opposite is laughing her arse off at them. The other bed was empty.

DDI Pip walks up to them, waves his doggy tag, clears his throat noisily and addresses the male nurse in a serious tone,
“I’ll need a word with this poor lovely lady, if you’re quite done!”

“Yes sir.” The nurse stands there, looking dumbfounded and somewhat flushed.

“Well, run along then, there’s a good lad.”

Said lady in bed looks on in amusement.

“Now then… Ms.?”

“Call me Misery, everybody does. How can I help you, Mr kind inspector who just saved me from horrible nurse?”

“I believe you were admitted into this hospital yesterday?”

Misery: “Yes, that’s right.”

“I need to know of your whereabouts and the events that led you into this ghastly place, if you would be so kind.”

“Well it’s not like I’ll be going anywhere soon or that I’ve got anything better to do at the moment is it? Do you want the long or the short of it?” She smiles.

“Whatever suits your fancy, dear, take your time.” DDI Pip pulls up a chair.

“You’d better get your notepad out don’t you think? Wouldn’t want you missing out any important details now, would we?” She smiles again.

He returns the smile, digs into his inside jacket pocket, retrieves a notebook and pen, composes himself, and smiles back again. “Right ready when you are dear, fire away.”

“I was at home working away on my computer, and quite happily as well, if I may add, when Podenco, my beautiful doggy, asked if I could take him for a nice stroll to his favourite playground which is on top of the nearby disused military bastion. Unlike yourself, he’s a dog of leisure, you see. (Pause for effect)
“My partner offered to take him, he being off work for the bank holiday, so I could carry on with my own work, but I needed a bit of a break so I insisted on going. I got a break all right (she points to her foot) just not the kind I had in mind.
“Have you ever been up by the old bastion inspector?”

“Yes, as a matter of fact I was up there just this morning…having a stroll so to speak.”

“Good, then you will appreciate how dangerous it can be for us bipeds with all the guttering, pipes and tubes, not to mention the lack of a parapet on one side and the huge unprotected gun openings looking over a one hundred foot drop down to the car park below on the other.
“Despite the dangers, however, we love to keep our four-legged friends happy. Podenco happily looked down from the gun openings and sniffed around while I carefully walked down the middle of the bastion.
“Anyway, Podenco was lagging behind a bit when I called to him and in his excitement he inadvertently ran into me from behind while I was still carefully making my way forward. Out of the blue, I ended up on my back and pain shot through my leg which must have twisted somehow as I fell. It didn’t look right and I couldn’t move.
“The worst part was that no-one was around and I didn’t even have my mobile ‘phone with me. I managed to slowly crawl a little way and sit on a step, that’s when I started to wave at people and yell for help.”

“I understand there is a bar at the ground level. Had you been drinking?”

“I wish. I might not have felt it so much.”

“And you hadn’t been mugged or raped or anything else untoward?”

“Have I mentioned anything to that effect, inspector?”

“No, I’m just trying to understand and make sense of what some people are thinking they saw or heard. Please carry on.”

“I shouted in both English and Spanish. ‘Help, I cried or Ayúdame!’ Some people did look up and see me, but then they decided to ignore me.
“It seemed like ages, but finally a couple appeared and Podenco, who had been running back and forth frantically trying to get help for me, ran to fetch them.
“Upon seeing my distress, the man immediately rang for the ambulance and was kind enough to lend me his ‘phone so I could ring my partner who later came to help and here I am.”

“Well, that’s a relief, I must say. The reports I got from the passers-by who had not totally ignored you, but feared the worst painted an entirely different picture.
“I will have to get a statement from Podenco, you understand? …just to clarify your story.”

“Of course, as you must.”

“Well take care dear and don’t let them bully you around. Hope it’s nothing too serious and thank you for your cooperation. If there’s anything you need or something you’ve forgotten to tell me, here’s my card.”

“Thank you, Mr kind inspector.”

Scene Three: Misery’s home. Time: 20.45.16

DDI Pip knocks on door. Misery’s partner opens the door, “Yes?”

“DDI Pip, I’ve just been talking to Misery and need to clear up a few things with, Podenco, is it?”

“Ah yes, she already told me all about it. Come on in inspector. Podenco it’s…”

Partner doesn’t get to finish as Podenco thinking that Misery must have returned home bolts to the door.

“Oh, a fellow canine, and who are you then?”

“DDI Pip…”

“Oh wow, you work…what is it like? Are you taking anyone on?”

Can I help?

Can I help?

“Actually it’s a serious business and not at the moment no, but you can help me with something.”

“Really?” (Wags tail in excitement)

“Yes, I just need to clarify Misery’s story about what happened at the old military bastion yesterday.”

“Oh wow, like I’m under investigation or something?” (Way too excited about it)

Wow! So excited!

Wow! So excited!

“That is generally what they call this yes. I need to know what led up to the events of that day, what happened and how you were involved in all this, if you would be so kind.”

“Well, I was gasping for a walk and a bit of a mess around, as you do, and I thought it was high time for Misery to get some exercise as well, so I went and asked her to come with me.
“She was only playing on the computer anyway so it’s not like she had anything important to do like clean up the Land Rover ready for a trip to the finca in Spain or anything like that.
“Anyway, I took her up to the top of the old military bastion so I could check things out and watch people walking below from the old gun ports while she got her exercise.
“Everything was fine when Misery called me…she likes me to stay close when I walk her you see. Anyway, I ran to catch up to her when she seemed to just suddenly stop…by then it was way too late for me to keep from careering into her and over she went. I don’t really know what happened after that, but she was in a right state.
“She couldn’t move at first, but then she tried to walk, like we do, but could only kind of drag herself. At first, I put it down to lack of practice, but then she starting yelling, ‘help’ and ‘ayúdame’.
“There were some other folk walking below and they looked up but ignored her. They’re not like us dogs…we’d be there in a flash if someone called for us. As, you well know.
“Anyway, I started to panic and ran back and forth to try and get attention, but it didn’t work at first. Finally, a couple saw me and I ran to them to let them know what had happened.
“After that some more help came and that’s about it really. I’m not in trouble for knocking her over am I? I didn’t mean to do it, honest.”

“No son, you did the best you could. I’m sure it’s not your fault she fell over. Accidents do happen.
“Just to clarify, there was no suspicious activity. No one tried to mug her or do anything else unseemly to her when she fell? It’s just the people that looked up and or heard her…well you can imagine…”

“Honestly, do you think I would ever let anything like that happen to my Misery? Not a chance! I’d tear them apart first.”

“Well that’s that cleared up then. Thank you for your time.”

“Will you let me know next time they’re taking someone on?”

I can be serious. I think

I can be serious. I think

“I’ll put in a good word for you, son, but I can’t make any promises.”

Scene Four: Back at HQ. May 3rd 2014 09.14.32

Constable approaches DDI’s desk, “Any luck with the case, sir? The lads are anxious to know.”

“Case is closed, son. I’m writing up the report as we speak. Luckily, one of our kind was with the woman when she fell. He’s a bit excitable, but a good lad. He managed to get her some help in the end.
“The others down below misunderstood what she was crying out for and thought the worst of it. You know how some of these people are.
“The woman is in the hospital with a damaged foot, pobrecita, but I think she’ll be all right in time. It must be tough when you’ve only got two feet.”

“What was her name, sir?”

“Misery.”

“Oh, ol’ Misery. She’s a good ‘n sir. A lot of the lads like her. Some of them say she’s a Russian Countess, you know.”

“Is that so?” DDI Pip smiles as he wraps up his report.

With which, it's time for a snooze

With which, it’s time for a snooze

The End

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66 comments on “Misery’s Mishap

  1. […] On a totally different subject, I received an offer from a good blogging friend who was willing to write a guest post over on Pippadogblog about my recent accident. It’s told from the dogs’ points of view as DDI Pip undertakes an investigation. Makes a light-hearted change and is a refreshing take on my over-dramatisation. Here is Misery’s Mishap. […]

  2. john zande says:

    Pippa wear sunscreen? We have a white/pink cat (Jungles) and he needs the Slip, Slop, Slap treatment ever day.

    • Pippa’s the big furry husky/GSD so no he doesn’t.

      Snows however is albino, and may well need it. When we took him in last year, it was late summer and we spent time inside anyway, in gib we are flat-bound. I def am right now! It’s something I am aware of though.

      Some Aussie told me there was an extra S now. Specs maybe? We always knew it as slip, slap, slop though.

  3. Pippa! Remember Sophie Brador, the flirtador? I think you gave her that name. Well, Sophie had the best life ever, but is sadly no longer with us. She made it to almost 14 though, so we are really happy about that. I was adopted a year ago May and am 8 year old Wyatt Burp Bradorski. Like my sister Sophie, I am a massive flirtador.

    I see you have give up your film career for a detecting one. Sounds like a good move. I’m sure Misery is proud of you.

    • pippadogblog says:

      Dear Wyatt, of course I remember La Flirtador and indeed I did give her that name. I loved her deeply, heartless fickle creature that she was. We always planned to swim to meet, but sadly my arthritis and her ageing beautiful body couldn’t quite tackle that large pond.

      Is that you in the photo. Or La Flirt? I have lost track of dogs posts Sophs and I’m not allowed to tweet because Misery barks too much.

      The detecting career was thrust upon me really. But still, it is quite interesting. The film career was for my youth and my Casanova Days. A dog needs to be flexible I feel.

      At 8 you are still a young pup. Go for it 🙂

  4. Kev says:

    Beautiful pics…they complement the story really well! 😀

    • pippadogblog says:

      Ta Kev. I thought a notebook and jacket pic wd have been a trifle staged, so I went for what I had that were recent and unused 🙂

      • Kev says:

        It worked really well…I’ve been to see then again a couple of times already. 🙂

        • snowycopito says:

          It worked well ‘cos of me. Podenco.

          • Kev says:

            OMG!!! Grab…grab…cuddle…cuddle…kissy wissy, Squeezy squeeze! 😀 😀 😀

          • snowycopito says:

            Wriggle, wriggle. Get off or you won’t recognise your fingers. I’m not called Shredders for nothing!

          • Kev says:

            😀 I have to control myself 😀 Deep breath! “Hi CutiePie!”

          • snowycopito says:

            I am NOT cutie pie either. I am a tough Podenco. We hunt bears you know. Well, big Podencos do. I am shredding a dog brush right now. It won’t be used on a dog again.

          • Kev says:

            Damn! Can’t win!

            I can tell you live with Misery…it’s rubbing off on you already.

            Go get Misery’s brush and take it out on that. 😀

  5. Kev says:

    Reblogged this on Kev's Blog and commented:
    A short story based on real live events! 😀
    Thanks for the opportunity to be a guest on your blog, Misery! 😀

  6. A very interesting tail! Oops, tale.

    • Thanks Cynthia 🙂

      Pippa and no doubt Kevin will appreciate your comment. Just followed your blog with my Roughseas alter ego.

      Seems editors and editing is a hot topic right now (even I wrote about it a few posts back). Your post about Tim was interesting, I’ll try and have a browse around your blog next week.

  7. Mags Corner says:

    Well, we think this is a mighty fine story told from Pippa’s point of view and investigation. Love the pictures and they are all well placed in the story. I agree that your friend is a good writer. Hugs for you and some nose kisses for those sweeties!!

    • pippadogblog says:

      Thank you Mags and Chancy. Any investigating needed, just let me know and I will be right over. I may even bring that wannabee assistant Podenco.

      We try our best to provide suitable photos and we are most pleased that MY friend offered to write a guest post for MY blog. Tee hee Misery. Tee hee.

      Thank you for the nose kisses. Podenco and I have stolen the hugs too.

  8. Just Harry (and Joan) says:

    Wow, Pippa, you’ve really gotten into this new career of yours. Not to complain or anything about your investigation and interview with Podenco — who is almost as photogenic as you — , but instead of your wrapping up the case and going for a snooze, I — and my mom — would really like to know a bit more about how Misery is, and what’s with her foot, and how long the recovery and if she’s now at home with partner.

    Sending wirey woof and love as always!!!

    Just Harry

  9. Sonel says:

    Wow Pippa! I never knew you were the DDI in the family as well? Awesome photo’s of you and Snowy. You are both so gorgeous and I truly enjoyed reading about the events and your awesome investigation. Please thank Kevin for me as well, for doing this. I am glad Misery got out of the mishap alive and the nurses too. I bet if you didn’t come at that moment, she might have done something she would have regretted later. I know I would. LOL! I can see Snowy enjoyed all the attention though. He sure is lucky to have a great friend like you. 😀

    Have a great day and ♥ Big Hugs and lots of kisses ♥ to all of you. 😀 xxx

    • pippadogblog says:

      Hi Sonel 🙂

      I’m not sure I realised I was a DDI either, I’ve had so many careers.

      Thank you for your lovely words although Little Rat may get big headed if he thinks people like his piccies.

      Kevin is a fine mate. Perhaps I should ask him to manage my blog instead of useless Misery.

      We send you a nose rub from me and a tiny Podenco kiss (because he only has a tiny tongue)

      🐶 🐾🐾

      • Sonel says:

        LOL Pippa – well, having so many careers have its advantages and will only look good on your resume. 😀

        hahahaha – well, I know you will make sure the little Rat doesn’t get big headed. 😀

        It’s great to have fine mates like that indeed but you should not say something like that about Misery, although I know you say it with lots of love in your heart and with the best of intentions. LOL! Ask her if she would like Kevin to do it and then the two of you can talk about it. 😀

        Thanks for the lovely nose rub and kisses. It’s much appreciated. You are both so sweet and adorable. 😀 ♥ Big Hugs ♥

  10. Kev says:

    Popped by to look at the pics again. My favourite is the one of Snowy with the caption: I can be serious, I think. 😀

  11. Aaah the story is fantastic. I had some good laughs. Very nice. Great photos of Snowy and Pippa Dog. Loved seeing those handsome dogs.

  12. Reblogged this on AceiShop 2014 and commented:
    #AceBookReviews – Great Article for a Great Guy 🙂

  13. EllaDee says:

    They say, truth is stranger than fiction… but Kevin’s guest post is better – truth and fiction. And pics of DDI Pip and one of the central characters Snowy, which reminds me – apparently “the sun protection message has expanded to Slip [on protective clothing]! Slop [on 30 SPF suncreen]! Slap [on a hat]! Seek [shade]! Slide [on sunglasses]!”…

    • Neat description of his post there. I think it was prob you who told me they had expanded slip slap slop. I had the right idea with specs if the wrong words. I’m surprised they haven’t added a sixth. Stay [inside]!

  14. pix & kardz says:

    a great tail, well wagged told! enjoyed this alot, DDI Pip! and some lovely photos as well. good to hear from you and all’s well that ends well. 🙂 Timmy sends his purrs and regards, too!

    • I’ll thank you on behalf of Kev and the boys, snowy will be creating havoc if I let him on here early in the morning, he’s currently being fairly good lying on me. Nor am I sure his puppyish enthusiasm for cats is continuing. BA (before accident) he was beginning to look at them suspiciously … So I will thank Timmy for his kind thoughts.

  15. timethief says:

    Oh my! I’m so sorry about your ankle and so glad you finally got the help you needed. Best wishes for a full recovery.

  16. Oh, Pippa, no wonder you are exhausted after all this. Quite intense interviews with Misery and that nervous youngster. How dedicated and understanding you are. Molly is enthralled with your last photo and shyly sends a doggy bow she is practicing to perfect. (Not always by choice. Staff stands on the leash sometimes…how embarrassing..they do not seem able to manage their 2 feet..lucky they don’t have 4!) Paw waves to Snowy!

    • pippadogblog says:

      Yes, it’s quite tiring for an old dog. Made my arthritis flare up too if I’m honest.

      That’s very kind of young Molly, but there is really no need to bow, however, it is graciously accepted. Oops, I sound like RC there.

      Right now I think Misery would appreciate another two legs. Although I am sure she wouldn’t be safe with them.

    • snowycopito says:

      Hello. Snowy here! Waving all faw paws frantically! Thank you for the mention. Must dash off to find something to shred to destruction now!

  17. Pippa: I’m sure everyone on Gib feels safe with you on the job — you’re so clever and handsome (I know that one doesn’t need to be handsome to be a successful police inspector, but it doesn’t hurt does it?). And it was very kind of you to allow Snowy into your story even though, as we all know, you are the star.

  18. Kev says:

    Hello and welcome back to the Pippablog! Yes it still exists! Time for another post, I think… don’t you? Especially since you have nothing more to do than mope on about your foot! 😉

    Still chuckling when I see podenco’s, I can be serious pic. 😀

  19. Momo & Pinot says:

    Pippa, how have you been? We miss your blog!
    Momo & Pinot

  20. Sherman says:

    To Pippa’s Hoomans,

    Dog Dad & I just heard that Pippa crossed the bridge from our pal Skye. We know how sad you must feel. I heard much about Pippa from my Great Auntie Essex. You might remember her and my Uncle Deacon. Both have crossed the bridge and Dad misses them, but he is glad to have me around. I am sure they greeted Pippa.

    Though DWB may have left cyber-paw space, the friends we made there will reach out to comfort those whose canine companions have crossed the rainbow bridge.

    Take care of yourself.

    Sherman & Dog Dad

  21. Nanuk says:

    We did not realize Pippa had passed, sending soft, gentle woooos,

  22. Moehahahaha (typical Flemish, thunderous laugh..).DDI Pip is hilarious! And, at the same time, canine keen!

Thank you for any comment. Please check back next time you visit, as I like to reply to all barks, woos, and mews

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